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Fall Writing Frenzy!


Here's my entry for Kaitlyn Sanchez's and Lydia Lukidis's 2020 Kidlit Fall Writing Frenzy:

LOST IN THE WOODS

Twigs snap under my feet. I’ve been running for so long. 

I’m surrounded by trees, wrapped in mist. Will I ever see the sunlight again? 

My heart races, and I stop, hands laced behind my head, opening my lungs to let air in. 

I stand in a clearing. The view is the same from every angle: forest. The trees are dark, skeletal. I am one of them.

Leaves rustle off to my right, and I’m running again. I think I can smell him. My heart pounds. 

My parents gave me a whistle when I was little and told me to blow it if I ever found myself lost in the woods. It’s still on a chain around my neck, tucked under my shirt and warmed by my skin. My feet hit the ground: thud, thud. I’m getting tired. I don’t know how much more I can run. I pull on the chain, free the whistle from under my shirt, put it to my lips, and blow.

The sound is thin and high, like a distant scream. The forest shifts. 

Others surround me. Together, we sniff, catching the scent of fear on the wind. Together, we run, a pack hunting prey.

Image 6 by Jakub Kriz, courtesy of Unsplash


SACRIFICE

The cold numbed Jeremiah’s fingers. Agitated, he fumbled with the rope.
Darkness was coming.
He had to hurry, or he’d be in danger. Once the last sliver of sunlight slipped behind the hills, the fresh earth in the cemetery surrounding him would shift and shiver, awakening.
The dead that Jeremiah’s community had recently buried would claw their way out of the shallow graves. They’d be looking for food, looking for an offering.
His breath came in heavy gasps. Muffled cries for help were blocked by a dirty rag.
‘Why are there so many knots in this rope?’ he wondered, frantic. His fingers were cut and bleeding.
At last, done! And not a moment too soon--he could hear moaning and scratching behind him. Jeremiah didn’t look back as he ran on shaking legs to his village.
At the barricade, Jeremiah’s mother waited with a mug of cocoa.
“You’re safe,” she told him, pushing the thick wooden door shut.
Jeremiah nodded, shivering. He took a sip of the sweet, rich drink.
“And your father?” she asked.
Jeremiah drank again, catching a softened marshmallow in his mouth and biting it before answering, “I tied him to the offering posts like you said.”

photo of abandoned house
Photo by kalyan deep on Pexels.com

64 comments:

  1. Poor Dad!! Oh my goodness. I love how he is casually sipping hot cocoa while he mentions leaving his dad as an offering. Good job creating this haunting scene in so few words. Good luck with the contest!!

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    1. Thanks so much, Colleen! It's really getting me in the Halloween/Fall spirit! :)

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  2. Whoa! Very intriguing, Jolene. Good luck in the contest. :)

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  3. Whoa! Chilling! I did not see that coming. Well done!

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  4. Terrifically terrifying, Jolene! Nice job!

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  5. Eek! Well done. It's early morning, the sun is shining and I have the scary story chills. I also have a fifth grade buddy who would love this story. I will share your your blog post with him.

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    1. I'm so happy to hear this, Sarah! I appreciate you sharing it with him. :)

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  6. I had to read that last line a couple times—was not expecting that! Great job, Jolene! I really want to know more now, lol

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  7. I never saw that ending coming! Yikes, poor dad. :) Nice job.

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  8. You created such a creepy feeling! Well done.

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  9. At first, I thought Jeremiah was a goner, but it turns out he's a survivor. Your cinematic and no-holds-barred story reads like The Lottery by Shirley Jackson meets The Walking Dead. Creeptastic!

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    1. Oh, my goodness, Anne, thank you so much! The Lottery is one of my favorite stories and was one of the pieces I had in mind when writing Sacrifice. I'm so happy you picked up on that.

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  10. Creepy and vivid! Love the twist.

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  11. Fantastic! You've really set the mood, Jolene.

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  12. Whoa, what an unexpected ending. Scary good.

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  13. I love the atmosphere in this piece. And the ending!

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  14. Great tension!! I felt my heart beat speed up! Nice job!

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  15. Ooooh! Very creepy and fun ending. This was very engaging to read, Jolene!

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  16. Your 2020 story leaves us with mystery and intrigue! Enjoyed reading this, Jolene! Good luck!

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  17. Yikes! Very scary! This is my favorite line--The sound is thin and high, like a distant scream.

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  18. Great job creating mystery in just a few words!

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  19. Yes! This has me in my ideal spooky spirit! And scary stuff is always better with a twist. Great work and amazing atmosphere!

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  20. Very mysterious and spooky! That whistle! I'm not counting on it for saving anyone...

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    1. Thank you so much, Kathi! And you're so right about that whistle, Kathi.

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  21. Engaging and suspenseful! Love the twist :) Good luck!

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  22. Eek! I can definitely feel the tension!

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  23. Wow! You had me hooked with that exciting first line. Love the suspense and descriptive language. I think there’s more to this story that I want to find out :)

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    1. Thank you so much, Amanda!! I appreciate your kind words. :)

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  24. Your 2020 story is wildly eerie and evocative, Jolene, and a wonderful companion to your chilling 2019 tale of terror. The vivid action and description really pull the reader along on this hair-raising chase. (The trees are dark, skeletal. I am one of them.) And oh, my beating heart, what a dramatic 180-degree twist at the end. "When the forest shifts," so does our entire perspective on everything that came before. Well done!

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words, Anne. Your comments are always so perceptive, and I'm grateful that you understand my work, even the darkest pieces. <3

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  25. Wow, what a twist! That's a whole different level of "in the doghouse," lol. Good luck!!

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  26. Whoa, you sure know how to twist an ending, Jolene! Great job on creating a spooky atmosphere. I especially adored "The trees are skeletal. I am one of them." So eerie! Though I wouldn't be too upset if the prey gets a chance to escape when the pack comes to find our narrator ;)

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  27. Such atmosphere and tension in so few words - loved it!

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  28. So dark and empowering, gosh I'm glad the MC escaped and the twist of the MC now being the hunter, interesting for sure, gives me a The Village vibe ;) thanks for being such a wonderful support for the Fall Writing Frenzy!

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    1. Thank you so much, Kaitlyn! I'm so excited to be a part of this amazing contest again this year! <3

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