Fall Writing Frenzy!



SACRIFICE
The cold numbed Jeremiah’s fingers. Agitated, he fumbled with the rope.
Darkness was coming.
He had to hurry, or he’d be in danger. Once the last sliver of sunlight slipped behind the hills, the fresh earth in the cemetery surrounding him would shift and shiver, awakening.
The dead that Jeremiah’s community had recently buried would claw their way out of the shallow graves. They’d be looking for food, looking for an offering.
His breath came in heavy gasps. Muffled cries for help were blocked by a dirty rag.
‘Why are there so many knots in this rope?’ he wondered, frantic. His fingers were cut and bleeding.
At last, done! And not a moment too soon--he could hear moaning and scratching behind him. Jeremiah didn’t look back as he ran on shaking legs to his village.
At the barricade, Jeremiah’s mother waited with a mug of cocoa.
“You’re safe,” she told him, pushing the thick wooden door shut.
Jeremiah nodded, shivering. He took a sip of the sweet, rich drink.
“And your father?” she asked.
Jeremiah drank again, catching a softened marshmallow in his mouth and biting it before answering, “I tied him to the offering posts like you said.”

photo of abandoned house
Photo by kalyan deep on Pexels.com

32 comments:

  1. Poor Dad!! Oh my goodness. I love how he is casually sipping hot cocoa while he mentions leaving his dad as an offering. Good job creating this haunting scene in so few words. Good luck with the contest!!

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    1. Thanks so much, Colleen! It's really getting me in the Halloween/Fall spirit! :)

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  2. Whoa! Very intriguing, Jolene. Good luck in the contest. :)

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  3. Whoa! Chilling! I did not see that coming. Well done!

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  4. Terrifically terrifying, Jolene! Nice job!

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  5. Eek! Well done. It's early morning, the sun is shining and I have the scary story chills. I also have a fifth grade buddy who would love this story. I will share your your blog post with him.

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    1. I'm so happy to hear this, Sarah! I appreciate you sharing it with him. :)

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  6. I had to read that last line a couple times—was not expecting that! Great job, Jolene! I really want to know more now, lol

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  7. I never saw that ending coming! Yikes, poor dad. :) Nice job.

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  8. You created such a creepy feeling! Well done.

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  9. At first, I thought Jeremiah was a goner, but it turns out he's a survivor. Your cinematic and no-holds-barred story reads like The Lottery by Shirley Jackson meets The Walking Dead. Creeptastic!

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    1. Oh, my goodness, Anne, thank you so much! The Lottery is one of my favorite stories and was one of the pieces I had in mind when writing Sacrifice. I'm so happy you picked up on that.

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  10. Creepy and vivid! Love the twist.

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  11. Fantastic! You've really set the mood, Jolene.

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  12. Whoa, what an unexpected ending. Scary good.

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